Thank you... to each of you who have shared your practice with me. Your breath, your movements, your growing bellies and babies, your unique energetic signature. To join in movement with others, to breathe with loving intentions is a powerful practice, and you have no idea just how honoured I am to BE in this space with you, it is living out my dreams… and truly brings me to tears and expands my heart.
Reflecting on this past year and half I am amazed with how much has changed, and how much I’ve grown. Heartbeat Yoga is just over a year and half old - and something I noticed was my not wanting to celebrate that year milestone.
When asked why not? I noticed my tendency to not celebrate myself - to not think I’m ever working hard enough, doing enough, giving enough. To underplay how much I’ve learned, integrated and offered to this earth. My go-to is to downplay my successes, this is a vulnerable space for me, and maybe for you who’s reading this as well? When do we offer ourselves compliments, FULL hearted compliments without any “ok but you still need to do way better” ready to jump on the end of it.
So Heartbeat is just over a year old - and was a dream of mine since I was 15, taking my first yoga class and feeling how amazing it was, something opened up and then immediately knocking myself down - telling myself ya but YOU could NEVER be a yoga teacher, you’re not good enough.
This track ran through my life … you aren’t good enough. You can’t do it. Who are you to think you can guide others? Who are you to think you can be an artist? Insert mega anxiety and depression, harmful eating and workout routines, and really terrible self talk, breaking myself down slowly, constantly finding flaws in my body, my personality, every inch of me not being good enough.
Really though what does this mean?! Not good enough for who? What IS good enough?
This track gets old fast, and I longed to FEEL better about myself. After an undergrad in Fine Art , I found an art therapy post grad program, and to say this transformed my life would be an understatement. I found solace. I found open hearts. I found acceptance.
I learned to listen to my thoughts. I learned to express FREELY without judgement of what I was creating but simply to SEE IT, FEEL IT, and MOVE THROUGH and out the other side,
where loving women saw me vulnerable and raw and loved me all the more for it.
I learned for myself that Art is a visual language. That we are FREE to create the images that work for us, and what moves through us is sacred.
What expresses through us is so intimate.
Sounds like Yoga doesn’t it?
I became dedicated to a Yoga practice at the same time as art therapy, and while I was still practicing a lot of negative self talk and harmful routines, I came home to my body.
I learned to notice my thoughts and breath so intimately, and slowly redirect my focus to kindness. Redirecting my focus to compassion. Loving myself for all the experiences I had made it through. FORGIVENESS for this sweet soul of mine who didn’t know better, who thought that society’s teachings of women being worth how thin they can get was truth. Forgiveness for all the hateful, hurtful, harmful thoughts I threw at myself, and started to see that I am the one that can now offer her solace.
Offer her love, a sanctuary within. Creating a sanctuary in this sweet body of mine.
So now, my baby Heartbeat, she’s a year old. And damn. I am proud of myself. The last year and half was one of the most challenging. I moved, a relationship ended, I moved again. I fell in love, I met beautiful souls who saw me when I was completely broken hearted, I turned 30. I made a shit ton of art to process and integrate all of said changes.
I transformed. Again and again. I transform.
Each time becoming a more clear, more authentic version of myself. A softer version. With more love. These moments still come up, of doubting myself, of wishing I had more success (again whatever that means) and these moments still bring up a lot of discomfort, thinking I should be something different than what I am. This woman knows though - she knows that she is exactly who she is meant to be. That she is some kinda weird hippy, art fairy, who dances with animals, cuddles babies, talks to trees, loves to make art, FEELS her emotions intensely and deeply, lets them move her and TRUSTS her intuition. She loves to guide others back to their breath in their bodies, to hold themselves and their magical inner landscape with so much deep reverence and awe.
She is a Lover to her core.
And wow - thank you for being a part of this life. And thank you for sharing yours with mine.
This space we create between us, is where the magic happens.
We are each our own universe, and when we awaken to our ability, to our power to create loving waves in our life - we transform. Again and again, we transform.
I can’t wait to see what surprises and delights are unfolding for me and for YOU.
Happy 1 Year Birthday Heartbeat Baby - thank you for the joy and the growth you’ve brought into my life. I’m softer, with more clarity, I’m trusting with more strength and I’m continuously learning how to love more deeply.
Big Love & Blessings Earth Angels.
Never forget the light that grows uniquely within you.